


let me crawl inside your veins (let me hold you)

by erinyes_grace



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Childhood Trauma, M/M, aged-down characters, i was meant to write a biology report but instead this happened, some of the minor line appear as cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 17:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20998967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erinyes_grace/pseuds/erinyes_grace
Summary: The first time Kim Wooseok met Han Seungwoo, he was in love with his eyes and the way he looked at him. When he saw Seungwoo again, he didn’t expect the other to have lost his sight. But Seungwoo still looked at him in the same way.Even when Seungwoo learnt that Wooseok was the child of the ones that killed his entire family, he treated Wooseok no differently. Wooseok hated it. He hated his kindness. He hated his smile. He hated Han Seungwoo.Perhaps, he had been looking at all of this wrongly. Perhaps, it was love.orphan!wooseok x blind!seungwoo***trigger warning: signs of depression***





	let me crawl inside your veins (let me hold you)

**Author's Note:**

> title inspo: billie eilish--hostage

Prologue: Longing

Wooseok turned back to look at the house he’d lived in for the past two years. The house that he’d lived with Seungwoo in. It was a place that held many special memories, memories that were only known to them.

_One last time_, Wooseok thought to himself, _I will leave after this_. For one last time, he allowed his eyes to scan over the exterior of the house.

It was a big house. In fact, it was _too_ big. There was only one occupant left out of the original five, plus Wooseok, an outsider.

He swept his gaze over the pot plants sitting in a neat row near the front door. He remembered watering them, together with Seungwoo, when he wasn’t in a nasty mood. He remembered the older man telling him the names of the plants—what were they? –as he pointed at them, arm around Wooseok’s shoulder.

_How do you remember?_ Wooseok had asked. _You can’t even see where they are now._

Seungwoo had smiled, resting his head on top of Wooseok’s. _I planted those with my sisters. There are some things, Wooseok, that you just can’t ever forget._

Those moments were rare, though. The majority of the memories they shared were of Wooseok being unreasonable and difficult, and of Seungwoo gently stroking his hair, letting him have his way, again and again.

Wooseok’s eyes settled on a window on the upper floor. It was slightly ajar, allowing the early morning breeze to ruffle the curtains inside. On the other side of the curtains, he knew, there was a man peacefully sleeping, completely unaware that the person laying in his arms had gone.

Clenching his teeth, Wooseok put up the hood of his jacket as he tore his gaze away from the house. He needed to leave _now_, or he might just change his mind. Wooseok wiped at his cheeks with force. He hated crying, but he was thankful that no one was around at this hour to witness and laugh at his weakness.

How he wished that they could go back to years ago, when they had first seen each other. Back then, Seungwoo’s family was still here, and Seungwoo was happy. If he hadn’t gone back to live with those disgusting people that were his biological parents, if he hadn’t left the orphanage, then would everything have been different? Wooseok often wondered. He would have been adopted by Seungwoo’s parents, and they wouldn’t have disappeared. They could have lived together happily; he could have been a real little brother to Seungwoo. Now—what were he and Seungwoo? Wooseok didn’t have an answer.

How he wished that they could start over again.

Part I: Gratitude

The first time they met was when Wooseok was ten years old and Seungwoo was fourteen.

For as long as he could remember, Wooseok had lived in the orphanage. He didn’t hate it there. He didn’t have friends, since he was always too shy to talk to any that approached him, but he enjoyed being alone anyway.

Or he thought he did, until he met a tall boy, half hiding behind his parents as he peeked at Wooseok. He was only four years older, as Wooseok later learnt, but he was already more than a whole head taller. Being pushed forward by his parents who told him to introduce himself, the boy timidly waved.

_My name is Seungwoo_, he said, _Han Seungwoo._

Wooseok stared at the boy—Seungwoo, saying nothing. He didn’t know what to do, so he nodded and turned to leave.

_Hey!_ Wooseok felt his sleeve being grabbed from behind. _What’s your name?_

He turned back, startled. This was the first time, since he’d come to this orphanage, that another human being had shown interest in him. The orphanage cat did, sure, but oftentimes it was because Wooseok had hidden treats from the kitchen to feed it.

_Kim Wooseok._ The three syllables that rolled off his tongue felt foreign, even though they marked his identity. When was the last time he had told someone his name? He couldn’t remember.

_Go play with Wooseok, Seungwoo. _The parents of Seungwoo had gentle voices, just like the boy himself.

The tall boy extended his hand tentatively towards Wooseok. He stared blankly up at him, unmoving. Seungwoo had such pretty eyes, he noticed. They somehow seemed to smile, even when his face showed a tinge of nervousness.

A good few seconds passed, and no one moved. Wooseok thought that if he just showed disinterest, the other would leave him alone. But the hand remained outstretched in between them, its owner looking more and more like a sad puppy with every second.

Wooseok took the hand. He watched as Seungwoo’s face lit up with a smile that seemed to reach from ear to ear. _You look like Snoopy._

He heard the parents laugh and felt them ruffle his hair. He tensed, subtly stepping back.

The other boy seemed to notice. _Mum, Dad, stop it._ Wooseok felt Seungwoo’s grip on him tighten as he pulled him away towards the playground.

Every week after that, Seungwoo and his parents would visit the orphanage. Seungwoo would knock on his door, asking to come in, and they would play, or draw, or do anything. His parents would sit at the other end of Wooseok’s room, watching them with a smile on their lips.

And every week, Wooseok found himself looking forward to their visit. He didn’t know whether if it was because he enjoyed the boy’s company, or because they made him feel like he was part of their family, even if it was just for thirty minutes per week. But to Wooseok, the distinction didn’t matter.

He could tell the other boy’s parents were busy people. As Seungwoo later told him, his parents were the owners of a company that was in charge of several big shopping malls in the middle of Seoul. Even so, they squeezed out time every week, just for their son to see Wooseok. They probably had other motives, Wooseok knew. But at that time, he really couldn’t care less. Because of them, he was allowed to spend time with Seungwoo, and this alone was enough for him to feel thankful towards them for the majority of his childhood.

If he could go back, he knew he would bow down to them, the ones that brought his precious Seungwoo into this world. But time cannot be turned back, and they were no more.

Part II: Sorrow

In the same year that Wooseok met Seungwoo, he met his parents. His own biological parents. The same ones that abandoned him when he was born, were also the ones that asked to take him back, ten years later. To this day, Wooseok did not know why they took him back, and there was no more chance for him to ask.

A mere few months after he became friends with Seungwoo, Wooseok disappeared. He couldn’t even pass on a note or anything to the other boy, since he left in a hurry.

He did not enjoy living in his new home. The man they called his father had drunken bouts of anger that he unleashed on his wife and Wooseok every other night. His biological mother would scream back, and eventually they would both turn their resentment towards Wooseok.

As he treated his own wounds with bandaids he stole from his mother’s cupboard, he often stared out the narrow window next to his wobbly bed, wondering what Seungwoo was doing. Had he eaten? Was he asleep? Did he miss him?

Wooseok lived in that home for five years. He didn’t know how he survived through those five years, but he was pretty sure it had to do with the time he spent with Seungwoo—perhaps the only bright memory he had in his dull life till that point.

He wanted to see Seungwoo again, _badly_, but he didn’t know that his wishes would come true in such a horrifying way.

The day they met again—it had been raining. Wooseok was in his parents’ old Toyota car, counting the rain droplets that landed on the window. He couldn’t count them all. New raindrops hit the window, stayed for a mere moment, then in the blink of an eye, they were drawn by gravity, merging into countless other water droplets on their way down.

Disheartened, he rested his forehead against the cool glass, feeling the bumps in the road as his father drove them down the highway. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of a familiar mop of black hair in the car driving next to them. He thought he was hallucinating—it’d been five years, he hadn’t seen Seungwoo in five years. The other boy would be nineteen this year, he must have changed an awful lot.

Straining his eyes, Wooseok tried to see the figures in the other car better. He thought he saw Seungwoo’s parents, one driving and the other in the passenger seat. There were two people with long hair in the back—Seungwoo told him he had two older sisters—chatting next to a lanky-looking boy. Wooseok felt his heart jump. It was Seungwoo, it had to be.

_You’re gonna miss the highway exit!_ Wooseok turned his head to his mother’s screeching voice. _Change lanes, quick!_

He watched as his father pulled the steering wheel, swerving towards the lane next to them. He wanted to scream, _there was a car there!_ No sound came out of his mouth. Wooseok desperately clutched onto his seatbelt, tears streaming down his cheeks, hoping for a miracle. Brakes screeched, but it was too late.

Wooseok was fifteen when he saw his own parents kill Seungwoo’s family.

After the accident, he somehow survived without as much as a scratch. His father died on impact and his mother later passed in hospital. He went back to the orphanage, for he had nowhere else to go. As the familiar black gates of the orphanage came into sight, Wooseok felt like crying. He was home, but why did he feel so empty? Why did it feel as if a portion of his heart had been cut away, and all that was left was a gaping hole?

The next day, the morning news reported the accident. _A family of five was involved in a fatal car crash on the highway. Four killed and one survived, the youngest child of the family._

Wooseok didn’t know what he felt as the melodic voice of the announcer flowed out of the television speakers. His chest tightened; he struggled to breathe.

His Seungwoo was alive. But his family was… gone. All because of those disgusting people that called themselves Wooseok’s parents.

At that moment, Wooseok felt his heart breaking into tiny little pieces, each shard ragged. He couldn’t even begin to think about how much anguish Seungwoo must have been in, learning of his family’s deaths. He wanted to be by his side and hold his hand as he cried. But he didn’t know if he would have the courage to ever see Seungwoo again, if the other even allowed him to. How could he not hate Wooseok?

Wooseok buried his head in his hands, wishing that this all was a dream.

Part III: Reminiscence 

It was another two years before Wooseok saw Seungwoo again. He thought that he’d be thrilled to see the other after so long, but all he felt was fear. Fear that Seungwoo would look at him with revulsion in his eyes; fear that he would turn around and leave Wooseok all by himself again.

When he saw Seungwoo by the front gate, he thought he missed the other so much that he had hallucinated. Rubbing hard at his eyes, Wooseok realised that _he_ was real. Seungwoo was here.

Wooseok hid behind a tree growing next to the gate as he studied Seungwoo. He had grown taller—much, much taller. If Wooseok stood next to him, the top of his head would barely reach the other’s shoulders. His face hadn’t changed much from the side profile Wooseok caught a glimpse of in the car two years ago, aside from the sharpening of his features. But as Wooseok glanced down, his heart dropped.

In his right hand, Seungwoo clutched a white cane with his long, slim fingers. Wooseok looked up, searching for clues in the other’s eyes.

He couldn’t believe it. Seungwoo couldn’t see anymore. His eyes looked the exact same as Wooseok remembered—still pretty and bright—but there was a lost directionality to them. What happened? Wooseok couldn’t help but tremble, fingers digging into the bark of the tree trunk in front of him.

Tiptoeing, he followed Seungwoo as he winded through the halls of the orphanage, guided by a worker. He hid behind a large pot plant, back pressing tight against the wall, as he watched the other knock on the door to the orphanage director’s office. After he entered, Wooseok walked up with soft steps and peeked through a slit in the door.

_Han Seungwoo-sshi, what brings you here today_? The stern voice of a middle-aged woman rang out.

There was a pause, and Wooseok felt his heart thump. _Is there a child named Kim Wooseok here? _His voice was much deeper than Wooseok had remembered, but it still had the same honey-like quality to it as all those years ago.

_Wooseok? Yes, he is. He's seventeen now. He was actually taken back in by his parents several years earlier, but something terrible happened and he came back to this place. I will get someone to take you to him. _

Wooseok heard the scraping of a chair against the wooden floor and he scrambled to get further from the door. Before he could escape, the door behind him creaked. _Wooseok, what are you doing here?_ The director seemed surprised.

Turning around slowly, Wooseok bowed. He was scared to look up at the man standing behind the middle-aged director.

_Wooseok, is that you?_ This was the first time that Wooseok had heard the other call his name in seven years. His legs threatened to give out as he pondered his chances of running away.

The director smiled. _I’ll leave you two to it._

Wooseok was about to take a step back when the other reached out a hand, the one that wasn’t holding his cane. _Come here, Wooseok. Let me see how tall you’ve grown._

Trembling, Wooseok took a deep breath and placed his hand in Seungwoo’s. The taller man felt along his arm, fingers eventually coming to a rest softly on Wooseok’s cheek. _You grew so much._

His fears did not come true. Though he couldn’t see Wooseok, Seungwoo still looked at him in the exact same way as he remembered, eyes smiling and bright.

_Seungwoo… sshi, why did you come?_ Wooseok asked numbly.

The other frowned, brows furrowing. _You’re not gonna call me hyung anymore?_

He didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. Seungwoo still wanted Wooseok to call him hyung.

_Seungwoo-hyung._

The corners of Seungwoo’s lips turned upwards into a smile, one reminiscent of Snoopy. _You disappeared, all those years ago._ _But even if there was only a slight chance, I wanted to see if you came back._

Wooseok was silent. He didn’t even know where to begin. Before he could speak, Seungwoo took a step forward, almost towering over Wooseok. _Would you like to be my family, Wooseok?_

He wasn’t sure that he heard correctly. _What?_

_I want to adopt you, under my parents’ name._ Seungwoo was smiling so brightly that Wooseok wanted to scream.

What Wooseok wanted to say came out of his mouth completely twisted. _If this is pity, I don’t need it. I’ve been fine on my own, for the past seventeen years. You don’t need someone like me intruding in your life_. What was wrong with him? This was all he wanted.

Seungwoo was unfazed. _My parents passed away two years ago. But before that, they had told me of their plans to adopt you, as their son. I couldn’t come for a long time, but now I’m here._ Seungwoo somehow knew exactly where Wooseok’s head was, as he reached out a hand to stroke his hair. _Come home with me, Wooseok._

His heart felt like it was being ripped out, torn from every muscle holding it in place. But he knew that this was nothing compared to what the other would have gone through in the past few years. Wooseok opened his mouth, but he couldn’t bring himself to say no to the expectant face in front of him.

Exhaling deeply, Wooseok nodded against Seungwoo’s hand that was still on his head. _Okay._

Holding Seungwoo’s hand tightly in his own, Wooseok guided him towards a secluded spot in the grounds of the orphanage. They sat down on a bench and Seungwoo hummed as he rested his cane beside him, still clutching Wooseok’s hand.

_Your eyes._ Wooseok looked away from the man next to him.

He felt the grip on his hand tighten. _Two years ago, there was an accident. The same accident as the one that took my parents and sisters._

_I—_ Wooseok couldn’t find the right words. He had so much that he wanted to say, so many things that he wanted to tell the other, but nothing could come out of his mouth.

Seungwoo placed his other hand on Wooseok’s head, ruffling it. _Don’t feel sorry. This is just life. _

Could it be that Seungwoo didn’t know it was his parents that were the culprits to everything he’d suffered? Wooseok’s heart clenched at the possibility. He knew he should come clean, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth.

If he knew that Wooseok was the son of the ones that killed his parents, would he still be here, smiling at him? If he knew, would he still want to be his family?

Wooseok shut his eyes tightly. How can he be so disgusting? He was exactly like his parents, disgustingly selfish. He wanted to keep Seungwoo by his side, but at the same time, he wanted to yell at the other to get far away from him, away from the disgusting blood that flowed in his veins.

What did he do to deserve Seungwoo?

Part IV: Guilt

Wooseok went home with Seungwoo.

At first, he had been afraid, every single day, that the other would somehow know of his secret and leave him. He would watch from the window, watch as Seungwoo got out of the car with his cane, watch as he bade goodbye to his driver, watch as he opened the door to the house. He searched and searched, on the other’s face, for signs that something was wrong. There was never anything.

The more time that passed, the more Wooseok hated himself. There were some days where he just wanted to tell Seungwoo everything, get it over with. There were days where he just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear—maybe his pain would stop then. But there were others, and these composed the majority, where he just wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong and live with Seungwoo happily.

Even then, it was rare that Wooseok was in a good mood. More often than not, he shut himself in his room, and only came out at mealtimes and when he had to go to his part-time job at a café nearby.

“You don’t need to work,” the other had tried to convince him. Seungwoo still had his parents’ company despite all the tragedies that occurred.

Wooseok shook his head obstinately. If he didn’t work, he would just get dragged further into the sad little world inside his head. He was glad for the distraction that working gave him.

He knew that he was worrying Seungwoo. He could see the other’s concerned face in his peripheral vision, wondering what he did wrong as Wooseok walked upstairs to his room.

_You did nothing wrong,_ Wooseok wanted to tell him, _it’s all me._ No words came out of his mouth.

Before he knew it, it had been another two years since he’d started living with Seungwoo.

Everyday went by in pretty much the same pattern. This day seemed to be no different, but Wooseok’s eye had been twitching ever since he woke up in the morning.

As he opened the door for Seungwoo that afternoon, he knew something had happened. Wooseok had never seen such a serious expression on the other’s face before, aside from when he worked late into the night, typing away at the Braille keyboard on his laptop.

“Wooseok, we need to talk.”

Wooseok felt his heart stop. This was it. This was the moment that he had feared for so long, but somehow, he could only feel relief. Everything was over, he longer had to pretend.

There was a strange calmness in him. “Hyung, wait here. I’ll… get us some tea.”

“No,” Seungwoo grabbed his arm, “We need to talk. Now.”

Wooseok stood still. The other let go of his arm and rubbed his own forehead, as if unsure how to start the conversation.

“The accident,” Seungwoo began with a trembling voice, “It was your parents.”

Wooseok was silent. He knew, he knew all too well.

“You knew.” The older man said with anguished certainty.

“Yes,” Wooseok replied, “I knew.”

He watched as Seungwoo closed his eyes, pained. Wooseok told himself repeatedly that he was ready for what was coming next. He had been ready ever since he decided to move in with Seungwoo. He knew this day was going to come.

“Was this why you’ve been unhappy, ever since you came home with me?” Once again, he was thrown off the rails by Seungwoo’s words. He couldn’t believe it.

“How can you still worry for me? I’m not a good person. I’m weak, selfish, temperamental. I’ve known this entire time, but I never told you simply because I didn’t want you to leave me, because I didn’t want to be alone. Do you see? This is who I am, Seungwoo-hyung.”

“This is the real Kim Wooseok.”

Harsh words flowed out of his mouth. His mind was blank, and he felt as if he was watching himself from afar, unable to control his own body. “I hate you. You’re always nice, even when I treat you like shit. Even when you’re angry, you smile. Why, hyung? I hate your tolerance towards me whenever I throw a stupid tantrum. I hate that smile on your face when you tell me it’s okay, you understand. I hate it, hyung. I hate _you_.”

Wooseok wanted to punch himself. How could he say that? Seungwoo was the one that gave him light. He was the one that extended his hand to him, even when everyone else in this world shied away. “Hyung, I—”

His nose became filled with Seungwoo’s scent as the other pulled him into a hug. Wooseok closed his eyes, clutching onto Seungwoo’s shirt.

“Shh,” Seungwoo gently patted the back of his head, “I know.”

As if a switch had been flicked on, Wooseok felt his blood boil as he shoved the taller man away, “What do you know, Han Seungwoo? The only thing you know is exactly how disgusting I am. Why are you pretending that everything is fine when no, nothing is? You should hate me. You should wish that I was gone, just like the ones who murdered your parents and sisters. Do you know whose blood is in my veins? I am no different from them. I am a monster. Why do you smile like nothing is wrong? Why haven’t you abandoned me? Why do you still look at me like I was that little innocent child from years ago? I am no longer him, hyung. I want to be, but that child is dead.” Wooseok choked out, “Hyung, he is never coming back.”

He could see a pained smile on the other man. His eyes were on Wooseok as he listened, as if he was trying his hardest to see him. Wooseok felt a sharp stab in his chest as tears flowed silently.

“Wooseok,” Seungwoo turned his face with his hand, fingers sweeping over his fringe, “Listen to me.”

Wooseok sniffed as he allowed Seungwoo to wipe at his eyes and nose with tissue. The other man was looking at him like how he usually did, but there seemed to be a different intensity. “I don’t care what you think of me. I know what you’ve been through, I know what we’ve been through together. What your parents did have nothing to do with you, both you and I know that.”

Sensing Wooseok’s silence, Seungwoo continued, “My Wooseok isn’t a monster. My Wooseok is someone who will stay by my side whenever I’m stressed from work. My Wooseok is someone who will hold my hand to make sure I don’t walk into things. My Wooseok is someone who will make soup for me when I’m sick, whilst pretending to not care. How can I hate such a kind person?”

Wooseok looked up, lips quivering, as Seungwoo cupped his face with both hands. “Don’t you see? I don’t care if it’s the Wooseok from nine years ago, or the you now. No matter what you turn into, you will always be my Wooseok.”

“Why?” Wooseok didn’t know if this was reality. “Why me?”

“Because I love you,” Seungwoo gently pressed his lips to Wooseok’s temple, then let go. “And I love you for _you_.”

Wooseok could feel something in his heart collapse, something that had been there ever since the accident. His legs were the first to give out, and Seungwoo caught him in his arms.

He heard a low chuckle, then felt the taller man reach down to pick him up princess-style. Not used to being suddenly lifted in the air, Wooseok threw his arms around Seungwoo’s neck as the other carried him to his bedroom, his feet already memorised the way that he’d walked many times.

Seungwoo gently placed Wooseok down on his bed, removing the arms around his neck with soft fingers. Wooseok stared up. The other’s expression was overwhelmingly fond, a dimple peeking on one cheek. Before he realised what he was doing, he grabbed Seungwoo’s wrist in his hand, “Don’t leave.” _Please let me spend this last night with you._

The other man hesitated for a second, then shook his head slightly. He sat down on the bed and slid under the covers, reaching out to hold Wooseok in his arms. Wooseok rested his forehead against Seungwoo’s chest and closed his eyes. As he drifted off to sleep, Seungwoo’s scent engulfed him entirely, and Wooseok thought he felt the other press a kiss to the top of his head.

It wasn’t long before he woke up again. They were still in the same position, and Wooseok could hear the other’s rhythmic breathing as he soundly slept. Wooseok’s heart felt as if it was a dam that was about to burst, overflowing with something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He stared at Seungwoo, tracing over every single feature with his eyes. He wanted to imprint this moment in his mind, for as long as he lived. Silently, Wooseok mouthed _I love you _at the sleeping figure.

Seungwoo stirred lightly, perhaps sensing his gaze. Scared that the other was going to wake up, Wooseok slid out from his warm embrace. He felt his bare feet curl as he stepped onto the cold floorboards. He tiptoed to the cupboard in the corner of the room and pulled out a duffel bag, which was stuffed full with clothes, canned food and some money he’d saved up.

The morning air felt sharp against his skin as Wooseok stepped outside. He turned back to look at the house for one last time, cloudy thoughts swirling in his mind. He didn’t know if he was making the right choice—no, it had to be. It was for the best, for both Seungwoo and him.

Part V: Home

Wooseok went back to the orphanage, this time to work as a volunteer. He talked with the director, who agreed to let him stay for free in exchange for playing with the kids and teaching them basic school subjects. Upon hearing his request to not disclose his whereabouts to others, especially to a certain dark-haired man, the director had shaken her head and sighed.

He didn’t know why he chose to come back to this place—no, perhaps he did know. This was the place that held the purest and brightest memories for Wooseok. This was the place where he first met Seungwoo.

Sometimes, as Wooseok laid on his bed, he imagined long arms winding across his body, holding him tightly. At other times, he would catch himself staring out the window, similar to how he did when he was in the abusive home of his parents, longing for the other man.

He knew that he couldn’t go back. It was for the best that he and Seungwoo each moved on, without the other. Or even if only he remained in the past, it didn’t matter, as long as the other forgot him. Seungwoo would be much better off without Wooseok in his life.

“Is he in here?”

Wooseok was in the art room with some of the kids when he heard an all-too-familiar voice outside the door. He froze, wondering if it was just his imagination or if the director had betrayed him.

It was the latter. The director had an apologetic expression as she opened the door and let a tall man in. She nodded at Wooseok and turned around swiftly to leave.

“Dongpyo, Hyeongjun, Minhee, go outside to play. Wooseok-hyung needs to talk to this hyung here,” Wooseok gestured at the tall man beside the door.

The kids looked baffled as they went outside hand in hand. Wooseok rubbed at his brows, “What are you doing here?”

Seungwoo was silent, but Wooseok could see the veins on his arm as he clutched tightly at his cane.

“I was scared, Wooseok. Terrified.” The other man’s eyes were bloodshot—when had he last slept?

“You disappeared again.”

“Just like all those years ago.”

“I looked all over the place for you, thinking that maybe you were just playing hide-and-seek with me. But I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“I waited for you, thinking that maybe you would come back. But you didn't.”

Wooseok’s heart broke at Seungwoo’s words. In his mind, the older man had always been cheerful, always smiling. Never once had Wooseok seen Seungwoo with such a wounded expression. But he couldn’t give in, not now.

“Seungwoo-hyung.”

“I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve your love. This was for the best, hyung. Why did you come? I hurt you, I hurt you so many times. Why do you not give up?” Wooseok dug his nails into his palms. _I love you. Don’t leave me. I love you._

“You know that I don’t care who you are, Wooseok. You know that better than anyone else. I don’t care whose blood you have running in your veins. I don’t care whose genes you inherited. I know what’s in your heart, and that’s plenty enough for me to love you. Even when you hate yourself, my love for you will just double—one portion for me, one for you—until you can learn to love yourself again.”

For the first time, Seungwoo sounded pleading, “Give me a chance, Wooseok. Give _us_ a chance.” He traced his thumb over Wooseok’s cheek, and Wooseok felt something in him crumble.

He was at a loss for words. He didn’t know if he was allowed such a bright future, a future with Seungwoo by his side. He clutched at Seungwoo’s shirt, fingers curling desperately into the fabric, “Hyung, I was in the car when that happened.”

Seungwoo’s expression softened. “We have to face forward, instead of looking behind us. What happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you or I can do to change that. The only thing we can do is to live on, for the people that we lost, but more importantly, for ourselves. There is still a whole lifetime ahead of us, Wooseok,” Seungwoo rested his forehead against Wooseok’s, “And I want to spend that lifetime with you.”

Encircling Wooseok’s waist with one arm, Seungwoo tilted his chin up with his long fingers and whispered in a low voice, “Can I?”

Wooseok’s ears burned. Even though he knew the other couldn’t see him, he couldn’t bring himself to meet the other’s eyes. He nodded slowly against the fingers under his chin. He watched as Seungwoo leant down, getting closer and closer to his face. As he captured Wooseok’s lips with his own, Seungwoo pulled him by the waist, their bodies flush against each other.

With every lick and bite on his lips, Wooseok’s heart threatened to jump out of his ribcage. Tugging on the other’s shirt collar, he mentally begged for him to stop. To Wooseok’s relief, the message got across, and the taller man let go of his lips. Seungwoo’s usual gentle smile was replaced by a smirk, as he reached to whisper into Wooseok’s ear, “I don’t think your lower half wants to stop.”

Unwittingly, a low whine broke out from Wooseok’s mouth, making the one holding him laugh. Wooseok tried to blink away the tears that had formed, but a single cold tear dropped onto Seungwoo’s neck, making the other panic, “Wooseok, what’s wrong? I’m sorry, did I tease you too hard? I’ll stop, don’t cry.”

Seungwoo tried to wipe his tears, but Wooseok caught his hand and squeezed it, “Hyung, I’m fine. I’m not crying, just a little overwhelmed.” Wooseok laced their fingers together, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Seungwoo pressed a feathery kiss onto his lips. His eyes seemed to smile, just like the day they met, all those years ago.

“Wooseok, will you come home with me?”

**Author's Note:**

> lovelies!! first of all, thanks for reading uwu. i know i said in my last fic that i had finals and didn't know when i'd write another fic but ha ha ha i lied. 
> 
> ALSO the director turned out unexpectedly cute lmao she's the wingwoman we all need in our lives.
> 
> if u watched the drama 'the untamed' u might see where i got the inspo from lol. the story was meant to be kind of a modern spin-off from a certain arc in the drama but then it took on a life of its own so i won't tag it. 
> 
> as u might have noticed, there is a prologue but no epilogue. i might write one as a standalone oneshot later on (there may be smut???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)).
> 
> lastly, please let me know how y'all felt about this!! it is my first attempt at writing proper angst?? sad shit?? idk but yeah. i would love to hear what u thought about it.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wxxshxn)
> 
> other fics: [seungwooseok coffee shop au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20529053), [seungseok university au](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20963795)


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